When Love Becomes Your Only Project

It goes without saying that love, and being loved, is a fundamental part of life.

Without love, a person is essentially blighted. Of course, love comes in different forms, but romantic love is one of the fiercest we experience.

When one falls deeply in love with another person, they can easily fall blindly into an abyss they never thought existed.

This is usually caused by them treating their love as their "project".

Here's what I mean by project: They view their relationship with their romantic partner as the most important thing in their lives. They live, eat, sleep, and breathe their relationship.

It starts as romantic; before they know it, they find themselves in this abyss called Limerence.

Limerence is an involuntary, addiction-like state of romantic obsession driven by the uncertainty of whether another person reciprocates your feelings.

Because your relationship is the most supreme part of your life, your romantic partner may not see it the same way. Then the feelings of limerence intensify. This is characterised by:

• Intrusive Obsession:  Your mind constantly replays past interactions, analyses text messages, and fantasises about future scenarios.

• Thriving on Uncertainty: Unlike secure affection, limerence intensifies when reciprocation is ambiguous or unconfirmed.

• Idealisation ("Crystallisation"): You project a fantasy onto the "limerent object" (your romantic partner), ignoring red flags, character flaws, or real incompatibilities.

What limerence does is that a relationship can easily spiral into toxicity without the lovers' awareness. This happens because the other person treats the relationship as a project, or sees their partner as one they constantly need to work on.

The primary cause for this is when one finds themselves not knowing their purpose, or having nothing else to do with their time. Something they can focus on other than their romantic partner.

For any individual, it is not just important but essential to have something you either work on or focus on. It can be a passion project, a business, or even a hobby.

Often, those who find themselves in a state of limerence aren't only unemployed; some have careers, a 9-to-5 or any type of job. The problem is, their jobs are unsatisfactory and unfulfilling.

A person may be at work the whole day, but from 6 pm until they sleep, they're in a state of limerence. Worse, on weekends, they wake up, have nothing to do or look forward to other than their romantic partner.

No matter how romantic it may seem at first, limerence can become deadly.

We see and hear crimes of passion week in, week out. Simply because the person has nothing else to do with their free time.

Therefore, whether you are in love or not, it is critical to be doing something, like a hobby, as that will aid you in not finding yourself in a state of limerence.

When love becomes your only project, it's only a matter of time before your heart and mind suffer.